Funny Paint Color Descriptions

Who’s in charge of naming paint colors? We need to talk…

The endless confusion between the names you’ve chosen and descriptions written about them needs to end! Let’s take Benjamin Moore’s off white color, “Mayonnaise” for example. First of all, who would want to slather rich mayonnaise all over their wall?

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The official description is:

“Inherently sophisticated and endlessly versatile, the Off-White collection offers subtle nuances of whites that suit tranquil, serene environments as well as creates color-enhancing accents for dynamic spaces.”

Not quite highlighting the qualities of this high fat, rich, creamy food.

To make paint descriptions better reflect their names, I rewrote a few to bring justice to their namesake.

Emotional by Sherwin Williams

 

 

A strong color choice for an accent wall or an entire room of overwhelming, anxious, happy, sadness lingering on all four walls. This color will make you feel like you just finished season two of Queer Eye and can’t figure out why you feel so happy and sad at the time. Don’t worry, this color will distract anyone with you from seeing whether you’re crying or laughing… or haven’t cleaned your floor in 3 months.

Dead Salmon by, Farrow and Ball

 

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This elegant shade risen from the dead will capture your guest’s eye as a smooth spread of Salmon Pate on toasted bread. But not just any bread. A fresh baguette fetched from a homemade bakery or local farmers market, which probably in your case (since I’m assuming you don’t live in Europe or the North End in Boston) occurs once a week, so you can only serve this suave dish on a weekend. Along with that kettle corn you couldn’t resist getting while you were at the market.

 

Lauren’s Surprise by, Sherwin Williams

 

 

This calming blue hue will bring you to a tranquil place. Transporting your thoughts to a beach side getaway just as you trip over the bag of nail polish you left on the floor. Then realize you forgot to close the top of your favorite navy polish you used hours, I mean hours earlier to paint your nails as you ran out the door, forgetting the library book with an over due fine of $5.00 (which is pretty impressive). Showing up to your lunch date 20 minutes late with smudged nails and… Surprise! You look down as you approach your date to see the cozy spa slippers you can’t help wearing in your relaxing blue room, that you forgot to take off…

Thanks Lauren.

A few of my other favorite paint names include, Bagel by Sherwin Williams, After Dinner Mint, by Dunn and Edwards, Whispering Peach by Benjamin Moore and Elephant’s Breath by Farrow and Ball. Please indulge me and send any paint names you find quite funny my way or leave in the comment sections.

 

Get your design on.

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Featured Photo: Domino taken by Mia Baxter Email

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